Monday, 1 April 2013

NOT recommended readings (at all)

Buf. Or... I don't really know how to describe the feeling I had when yesterday afternoon I eventually finished the books 1 & 2 of 1Q84, by Haruki Murakami. I will read the third one of the saga, but I must admit that I definitely understand why the first and the second books are sold altogether: the first one is such a boulder, such an indigestible piece of shit that if it had come out separated from the second book (where actually happens something, and that something it's ok), no one would continue reading the saga. Unless you're a fanatic, of course. Or as stubborn as I am when reading is concerned, hehe. Don't worry, I'll make a review of the whole thing when I come to its end. Now I guess I can say I'll be able to make it! (trust me, I almost leave the reading of this. Buf. Indigestible first book, yeah)

"How to become a SON OF A BITCH" - Spanish book. "Son of a bitch" the worst thing you can say anyone in Spanish, is like being a really, really bad person. Why this? If you look closely, you'll see how the cover is "empty" in the "son of a bitch" letters, so as when someone is sunbathing you can place the cover on his back. And I'll let you guess the rest of the story...
And I was thinking, that maybe I could do my best to prevent you from reading some of the most unreadable things I've ever put my eyes on. TVW. The Very Worst. Things that you're not gonna be able even to swallow, or that if you do, you'll think about them in one in two ways: as a drama or as a comedy. TVW. Today some of them, other day another bunch to complete this. And someday, an extra: a masterpiece, the most inconsistent ever written thing (although very entertaining)

* ATTENTION: I mainly talk about what happens in the first chapters of the books, so there are not big spoilers. But some of you could think that, so I'm not responsible for it. Although, truth to be said, do yourselves a favour and don't ever read these books, there is pretty good stuff over there to be read.

ELIJAH'S CHAIR (Igor Štiks):

Chapter 1: "Hello, I am mister blabla and I'm going to commit suicide. Let me explain you why". Then, 300 pages where nothing quite interesting happens in the Sarajevo of the 90's war, which is actually quite disappointing (come on! It's a very good place where one can place a story!) But out of curiosity, one goes on reading: why does he want to commit suicide? One wants to know the reason. Last chapter: "So guys, this is the reason why I am going to commit suicide". Reason? What reason? There was a reason? Where? Did I miss it? Or was that a reason? Ok, reason... define reason, man.  Because I simply can't believe that a person commits suicide just because of the reason stated in the book.

So, you have 300 pages of a book that are boring and besides that provide a reason (ye, I can't avoid using italics...) that you can't believe. At all. Mesdames et messieurs, there you have: a book not to be read. Fortunately, it is short. Not like our next friend.

Although it is very interesting to know what an Elijah's chair is.

THE INNER CIRCLE (Brad Meltzer):

It turns out that I keep track of the books I read in somewhat of a short review plus a grade. It's kind of useful I think to remember things, compare them and give recommendations, but that's not the point now. The point is what I wrote for this "The Inner Circle" book when I read it, as I see it as funny (and being in English, I can share it with you!!!)

- The Inner Circle (mystery [english] - Hey! My name is Beecher, I'm really annoying. This is the history of how the strangest and most unbelievable events happen to me and how I stupidly react. My writer smokes good stuff by the way - 0)

And when I say unbelievable, I mean unbelievable. Particularly, I would place the first one hundred pages in the "genius" level of unbelievable-ness. How can one author dare to plot something in the US National Archive, find in the room reserved to the President (?) inside the leg of a chair (?) because they drop on it a cup of coffee(?) a book which they believe (?) belonged to Lincoln and the best thing which comes to their mind is deciding to flee (?) from there? How can one author think this book is good acceptable? (the first word was way too much for this) What if I tell you that they get into that room to impress a woman? (oh man! I've been so many years completely mistaken!)  Or what if I tell you that the protagonist is such a big paranoid that you hate him from the very beginning? That there are some kind of sects involved? And if I tell you that these are not the only unbelievable things? (at all, this is just the peak of the iceberg, the premise from where the book starts building an unbelievable plot)

I don't know what I was thinking about when I bought this book. But what I really would like to know is how the hell did I end up this book. Please, DO NOT read it. Otherwise, you will do have a real reason to commit suicide.

You know how it is. Now you can avoid it.

Booooring. What an author! Before I said I am stubborn when I read. Ok, I didn't finish the book when I read this guy, and he's supposed to write like this always (I've talked with many friends about this). I had a book with four short stories (around 80 pages each). I read two, and started the third. Enough. 80 pages per story where NOTHING happens are just too much for me if I do it thrice.

I mean, let me give an example. One story I read. They go to the South Pole, where there are footprints of something. They follow the footprints into a mountain. And then they listen to a noise, a very very frightening noise, so they run away. The end.

I still don't get where the meaning of this history is, or what the hell is trying to transmit. The second one I read was like this. And the third one seemed one more time the same, so I just desisted. Man, try at least to transmit I don't know, something. Even if you are really bad at that (*see "Elijah's Chair" and "The Inner Circle", just above), please, do something.

Incoming: "The works of Persiles and Segismunda" (Miguel de Cervantes), "The fourth realm" (Françesc Miralles), "Star Wars: the new order Jedi: agents of chaos I" (James Luceno). I will write about good books too, don't worry. I just write this just in case, so as you already know what you should avoid.

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